When They Keep Asking to Go Home: Responding with Comfort, Not Correction

By The Olive Branch Medical — A Place of Love and Care for Those Living with Alzheimer’s and Dementia

One of the most difficult moments for families caring for someone living with dementia can be hearing the words:

“I want to go home.”

Sometimes, your loved one may already be at home.

Sometimes, they may be living somewhere safe and familiar.

And sometimes, no matter how gently you explain where they are, the question keeps coming back.

For families, this can feel confusing, emotional and even heartbreaking.

But in many cases, when someone living with dementia says they want to go home, they may not be asking for a particular house or address.

They may be asking for a feeling.

A feeling of safety.

A feeling of familiarity.

A feeling of comfort, belonging and reassurance.

Understanding this can change the way we respond.

What Does “Home” Mean?

For most of us, home is much more than a building.

It is where we feel safe.

It may remind us of family, familiar routines, favourite meals, particular smells, photographs, music or people we love.

For someone living with Alzheimer’s or dementia, memories from earlier stages of life may sometimes feel clearer than more recent memories.

The “home” they are asking for could therefore be a childhood home, a house they lived in many years ago, or simply a place connected to feelings of security and familiarity.

Trying to convince them that they are already home may not always provide the reassurance they are looking for.

Sometimes, responding to the emotion behind the words can be far more comforting.

Listen to the Feeling Behind the Question

Instead of immediately correcting your loved one, try to understand what they may be feeling.

They may be:

• tired
• anxious
• confused
• overwhelmed
• lonely
• looking for someone familiar
• uncomfortable in their surroundings

A gentle response such as:

“You’re safe here with me.”

or

“Tell me about your home.”

can create a calmer and more reassuring conversation.

You do not always have to solve the question.

Sometimes your presence and reassurance are enough.

Try Not to Argue or Correct

When someone living with dementia is confused about where they are, correcting them repeatedly can sometimes increase frustration or distress.

Statements such as:

“This is your home. You’ve lived here for years.”

may be completely accurate, but they may not match what your loved one is experiencing in that moment.

Instead, focus on comfort.

You might say:

“You’re safe here. Let’s sit together for a little while.”

The goal is not necessarily to convince them.

The goal is to help them feel secure.

Use Familiar Things to Create Comfort

Familiar objects can play a powerful role in helping someone living with dementia feel connected to their surroundings.

These might include:

• family photographs
• a favourite blanket
• familiar music
• a treasured ornament
• a favourite chair
• familiar clothing
• a favourite drink or snack

Small details can sometimes create a sense of recognition and calm.

At The Olive Branch Medical, we understand how important familiarity can be. Personal belongings, routines and meaningful connections can help create an environment that feels less clinical and more personal.

Gently Redirect Their Attention

Sometimes the best response is to acknowledge the request and gently move towards something comforting.

For example:

“We can talk about that shortly. Would you like a cup of tea first?”

You could also look through photographs together, listen to music, sit outside, take a short walk or start a familiar activity.

Redirection should never feel dismissive.

The idea is simply to guide the person towards something that feels safe and reassuring.

Notice When the Question Happens

If your loved one repeatedly asks to go home, it can help to notice when it usually happens.

Is it later in the afternoon?

After visitors leave?

When the environment becomes busy?

When they are tired?

Before bedtime?

Patterns may help families and caregivers understand what could be contributing to the distress.

Creating a calm routine around these times may help reduce anxiety.

Sometimes You Do Not Need to Say Much

There are moments when words are not the most important thing.

Sitting beside your loved one, holding their hand, offering a warm smile or simply staying close can communicate safety without needing a long explanation.

People living with dementia may not always remember exactly what was said.

But the feeling of being treated with kindness, patience and dignity can still matter deeply.

Home Can Be a Feeling

For families, hearing “I want to go home” can be painful.

It can feel as though your loved one does not recognise the life you have created together.

Try to remember that dementia can change the way a person understands time, place and memory.

Their words are not a rejection of you.

They may simply be searching for something familiar.

In those moments, perhaps the most important question is not:

“How do I convince them they are home?”

but rather:

“How can I help them feel safe right now?”

At The Olive Branch Medical, we believe every person living with Alzheimer’s or dementia deserves to feel safe, respected, valued and cared for.

Sometimes home is not simply a place.

Sometimes, home is the feeling created by patience, familiarity, kindness and love.

Frequently Asked Questions